Conflict Resolution

Conflict and conflict resolution are essential to daily living.  Our personal and professional lives are entwined with conflict. How we handle conflict is dictated by our conflict resolution skills.  We all face conflict at some time in our lives. But it doesn't always have to be negative.  Conflict can actually end with some really positive and satisfying outcomes.

Conflict occurs whenever there is a disagreement or misunderstanding.  This can be internal or external and occur in our person and professional worlds, with both positive and negative effects. Conflict exists when people disagree on an issue or can't get along well.  People will always disagree with each other at one time or another because we all have different interests, values, goals and needs. Other causes of conflict can be that sometimes we don't understand other people and what they really mean. We can mistake the other person's true meaning or another person can make a mistake about the meaning of something we say or do.

The many differences in us are to blame for the various ways that conflict is resolved or why it is not.  Acknowledging the differences in communication styles is important.  What is typed in an email may be sound very demeaning to the recipient where as the same words spoken face to face may sound less harsh.  Knowing that it is offensive to sit while you are being spoken to is offensive in one culture but not another, could resolve a conflict.  There are many various ways that miscommunication due to cultural differences, use of technology, and language barriers may aide in conflict and hinder conflict resolution.  

Internal conflict involves a battle that we are fighting within ourselves.  It may be as complex as a matter of moral or ethical dilemma or something very simple.  While one mother may be trying to decide whether or not to serve pecans with her dinner guests’ salads, a homeless mother may be battling with the notion to steal food for her hungry children. 

Conflict causes us to think and brainstorm which is sometimes the easiest way to resolve conflict.  Brainstorming during conflict allows us to examine the conflict and weigh the pros and cons.  Sometimes this examination will lead us to the conclusion that there really is no conflict or that we are the root of problem.  Taking ownership of our part of the conflict is the first step towards resolution.

External conflict comes in many forms.  We may have external conflict within our personal relationships, organizations, or place of employment.  These conflicts can result in bonding, creativity, and also the death of relationships.

Organizational conflict such as that within a church can be very divisive and lead to its demise.  For one church in particular, it was a matter of whether or not to build a new church.  The congregation was split in their vote and the pastor chose to be the tie-breaker and initiated the new construction.  Today, that new church, while large enough for the old congregation and more, only has about tenth of the parishioners in its services.  This conflict not only divided the church, it divided homes, and ended relationships.

Conflict within our personal relationships can be good when handled appropriately.  The way the conflict is approached determines the outcome.  If a husband is upset because his wife has neglected the housekeeping for a few days and he comes in and slams his keys down, kicks of his shoes and starts ranting and raving about how the wife is lazy and never does anything and needs to get off the phone, computer, etc. and do her job, it’s likely there will be conflict in the home.  However, if he comes home and asks her if there’s anything he can do to help her around the house to get things back in order, there’s a very good chance, unless she thinks she’s been doing an excellent job, that she will get things back in order herself and the conflict is avoided.

A marital conflict may also be an opportunity for couples to voice their opinions and concerns, get something off their chest, and vent.  This may lead to a heated argument or discussion and hurt feelings.  This could also lead to make-up time as a result of conflict resolution.

In the legal world, which would not exist were there no conflict, there are conflict management agreements, alternative dispute resolution companies, mediators, and arbitrators.  The job of each of these is to resolve the conflicts that exist in legal matters.  Their goal is to reach a common ground to agree on and resolve the conflict without the interference or assistance of the court.  This can be both cost and time effective.  Additionally, it can lessen the stress of the situation.

When there is a difference of opinion, there is conflict.  Conflict in the workplace happens frequently.  You may not agree with your boss on how to handle a delicate matter or you may disagree with one of your colleagues on the best solution to a problem.  While you both may have great ideas, if you are not willing to listen to each other, therein lays the conflict.  If you keep an open mind and listen you may be able to work collaboratively and come up with an even better solution.

While there are a few people that boast of never having conflict in their lives, this is not the case for the rest of the world.  Conflict is as alive as you and me.  The way handle it is we handle it has a lot to do with our communication.

Acknowledging the conflict is a start.  Sometimes the person we are in a conflict with has no idea.  Second, we must speak in manner that shows that we are open to resolving the conflict.  If we yell and scream, we are saying that we are standing firm and don’t want to resolve the conflict.  However, if we speak calmly, openly, and honestly, the open person will be more receptive to what we are saying and may be more willing to resolve the issue.

When the proper communication sills are used, the value of conflict resolution is often priceless.  It provides the opportunity to increase understanding and awareness and may give insight into others’ thought processes.  This can often help achieve a common ground towards achieving a goal and working cooperatively.  People are more apt to develop mutual respect for each other through conflict resolution.