My brother passed away this past weekend after a long battle with cancer. Watching him in the last few weeks of his life was a very trying time. My brother Larry was a very big talker. There was never a dull moment when he was around and he was never at a lost for words. I visited him two weeks ago and even though I could tell he knew I was there it was one of the hardest things I have had to do in life. Watching him lay there with tears streaming down his cheeks but not being able to speak I could just almost hear what he was trying to say. Seeing him slip into a coma and the peace that rested on his face until his final breath two weeks later, I could almost fill the peace of Christ coming over him.
During that dreadful three week period I found it hard to communicate with others. The pain I felt knowing I would soon lose my brother was over powering everything else in my life. Now that he is gone I still feel the nagging feeling pulling me away from everyday conversations. How do we communicate during such times? What can others do or say to ease the pain? Absolutely nothing!!!! I am so sick of hearing others say "I know how you feel" and others who say "you cry like one without hope , while others keep telling me" you've been through this before and it will get better with time." All I can say is You don't know how I feel, no one has been through this before because this is my brother, my personal relationship, it does not feel like yours and what is there to hope for? I know with all my heart he is in a better place but it does not take away the pain of knowing he can't communicate with me anymore. It will get better with time but that time is not right now.
I will bury my brother this week, and no one knows how I feel. I can't tell anyone how I feel but I can Cry and scream and feel better with each moment and each passing day. All I need from everyone else is just a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on and just to know you care.
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