Communication and Grief

My brother passed away this past weekend after a long battle with cancer.  Watching him in the last few weeks of his life was a very trying time.  My brother Larry was a very big talker.  There was never a dull moment when he was around and he was never at a lost for words.  I visited him two weeks ago and even though I could tell he knew I was there it was one of the hardest things I have had to do in life.  Watching him lay there with tears streaming down his cheeks but not being able to speak I could just almost hear what he was trying to say.   Seeing him slip into a coma and the peace that rested on his face until his final breath two weeks later, I could almost fill the peace of Christ coming over him. 
During that dreadful three week period I found it hard to communicate with others.  The pain I felt knowing I would soon lose my brother was over powering everything else in my life.  Now that he is gone I still feel the nagging feeling pulling me away from everyday conversations.  How do we communicate during such times?  What can others do or say to ease the pain?  Absolutely nothing!!!!  I am so sick of hearing others say "I know how you feel" and others who say "you cry like one without hope , while others keep telling me" you've been through this before and it will get better with time."   All I can say is You don't know how I feel, no one has been through this before because this is my brother, my personal relationship, it does not feel like yours and what is there to hope for? I know with all my heart he is in a better place but it does not take away the pain of knowing he can't communicate with me anymore.  It will get better with time but that time is not right now. 

I will bury my brother this week, and no one knows how I feel.  I can't tell anyone how I feel but I can Cry and scream and feel better with each moment and each passing day.  All I need from everyone else is just a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on and just to know you care.

Communication and Conflicts

Conflict and conflict resolution are essential to daily living. Our personal and professional lives are entwined with conflict. How we handle conflict is dictated by our conflict resolution skills:
I. Conflict occurs whenever there is a disagreement or misunderstanding..
a. Conflict can be internal or external. Personal or professional. II. Conflict can be both positive and negative.
a. Internal conflict and result in brainstorming.
b. External conflict can result in collaborative woking..
c. Misunderstandings and hostility can be resolved.
d. Conflict can also destroy an relationship.III. The manner in which we communicate can control the level of conflict.
a. Agree to disagree.
b. State the facts.
c. Keep an open mind.IV. Medical problems can be a result of conflict.
a. Hypertension
b. Ulcers
c. MigrainesV. Once the conflict is resolved you must move forward.
a. Forgive, forget, move forward.
b. How did we get here?
c. Where are we going?VI. Conclusion
a. Distance learning is more future-oriented.
b. Students can choose from a variety of courses.
c. A lot of information available online. Conflict is a necessary evil. A world with no conflict is not indeed a happy place. However a world full of conflict leaves no room for peace.

Office Conflict Resolution

Office Scenario

“You are a department manager in a mid-sized company that provides technology support services.  You have ten employees who are required to maintain a high level of technical expertise and deliver excellent customer service.  One of your employees, who has been with the company for two years, is performing at a substandard level and you have received numerous complaints from customers and coworkers.  In addition, this employee has displayed confrontational behavior which has created a hostile environment.  You must now meet with this employee and deliver an ultimatum regarding the need for immediate improvement or dismissal.”
As the department manager I would use the STL-C model of communication and conflict.  I would first sit  down with the employee and ask if there is anything going on that I can assist with whether professional or personal.  I would address the concerns that have been brought to my attention and allow him to respond to those concerns.  I would inform him that the issues are of great cause for concern and that immediate improvement is necessary in order for his continued employment with the company.  If the employee becomes confrontational during the talk I would end the meeting and proceed to prepare a formal documentation to take further action.  If the employee is calm and rational in his response, I would ask him how we can make the situation better.  I would also share with him how he is expected to act according to the ethics of the workplace.   

According to “Partnering with Your Boss” some of the things that constitute ethical behavior in the work place are    
      The law of the land—If it’s not legal, it’s probably not ethical either!
      Your industry—Many industries have specific codes of ethics.

Your company—Most companies have detailed employee handbooks that outline both acceptable and unacceptable behavior. They     should also include guidance on what steps to take in difficult situations (i.e., how and where to report ethical violations).

If the situation does not appear to be salvageable, then I would recommend the employee resign in lieu of termination.   If it is a workable situation, I would document the conversation and prepare a formal write-up with the plans for improvement and have the employee sign off on it.   

Technologies

 

 

Today’s communications technologies are constantly changing and improving. From web to wireless, email to text, staying on top of the latest trends and techniques in marketing, public relations and communications is key to the survival in the business and personal world.   Using various technologies in the school systems for grades k-12 as part of the 21st Century learning experience is critical.  The use of game design and other game inspired methods of teaching fully engages students in traditional subjects.  Other forms of technologies include the use of the internet and projectors to develop relationships between the various parts of the world from classroom to classroom.

Students just as business professionals share a unique comparison in learning and sharing with others.  Email and social networking sites such as Linkedin and facebook are also common technologies for personal and business networking. 

Conflict Resolution

Conflict and conflict resolution are essential to daily living.  Our personal and professional lives are entwined with conflict. How we handle conflict is dictated by our conflict resolution skills.  We all face conflict at some time in our lives. But it doesn't always have to be negative.  Conflict can actually end with some really positive and satisfying outcomes.

Conflict occurs whenever there is a disagreement or misunderstanding.  This can be internal or external and occur in our person and professional worlds, with both positive and negative effects. Conflict exists when people disagree on an issue or can't get along well.  People will always disagree with each other at one time or another because we all have different interests, values, goals and needs. Other causes of conflict can be that sometimes we don't understand other people and what they really mean. We can mistake the other person's true meaning or another person can make a mistake about the meaning of something we say or do.

The many differences in us are to blame for the various ways that conflict is resolved or why it is not.  Acknowledging the differences in communication styles is important.  What is typed in an email may be sound very demeaning to the recipient where as the same words spoken face to face may sound less harsh.  Knowing that it is offensive to sit while you are being spoken to is offensive in one culture but not another, could resolve a conflict.  There are many various ways that miscommunication due to cultural differences, use of technology, and language barriers may aide in conflict and hinder conflict resolution.  

Internal conflict involves a battle that we are fighting within ourselves.  It may be as complex as a matter of moral or ethical dilemma or something very simple.  While one mother may be trying to decide whether or not to serve pecans with her dinner guests’ salads, a homeless mother may be battling with the notion to steal food for her hungry children. 

Conflict causes us to think and brainstorm which is sometimes the easiest way to resolve conflict.  Brainstorming during conflict allows us to examine the conflict and weigh the pros and cons.  Sometimes this examination will lead us to the conclusion that there really is no conflict or that we are the root of problem.  Taking ownership of our part of the conflict is the first step towards resolution.

External conflict comes in many forms.  We may have external conflict within our personal relationships, organizations, or place of employment.  These conflicts can result in bonding, creativity, and also the death of relationships.

Organizational conflict such as that within a church can be very divisive and lead to its demise.  For one church in particular, it was a matter of whether or not to build a new church.  The congregation was split in their vote and the pastor chose to be the tie-breaker and initiated the new construction.  Today, that new church, while large enough for the old congregation and more, only has about tenth of the parishioners in its services.  This conflict not only divided the church, it divided homes, and ended relationships.

Conflict within our personal relationships can be good when handled appropriately.  The way the conflict is approached determines the outcome.  If a husband is upset because his wife has neglected the housekeeping for a few days and he comes in and slams his keys down, kicks of his shoes and starts ranting and raving about how the wife is lazy and never does anything and needs to get off the phone, computer, etc. and do her job, it’s likely there will be conflict in the home.  However, if he comes home and asks her if there’s anything he can do to help her around the house to get things back in order, there’s a very good chance, unless she thinks she’s been doing an excellent job, that she will get things back in order herself and the conflict is avoided.

A marital conflict may also be an opportunity for couples to voice their opinions and concerns, get something off their chest, and vent.  This may lead to a heated argument or discussion and hurt feelings.  This could also lead to make-up time as a result of conflict resolution.

In the legal world, which would not exist were there no conflict, there are conflict management agreements, alternative dispute resolution companies, mediators, and arbitrators.  The job of each of these is to resolve the conflicts that exist in legal matters.  Their goal is to reach a common ground to agree on and resolve the conflict without the interference or assistance of the court.  This can be both cost and time effective.  Additionally, it can lessen the stress of the situation.

When there is a difference of opinion, there is conflict.  Conflict in the workplace happens frequently.  You may not agree with your boss on how to handle a delicate matter or you may disagree with one of your colleagues on the best solution to a problem.  While you both may have great ideas, if you are not willing to listen to each other, therein lays the conflict.  If you keep an open mind and listen you may be able to work collaboratively and come up with an even better solution.

While there are a few people that boast of never having conflict in their lives, this is not the case for the rest of the world.  Conflict is as alive as you and me.  The way handle it is we handle it has a lot to do with our communication.

Acknowledging the conflict is a start.  Sometimes the person we are in a conflict with has no idea.  Second, we must speak in manner that shows that we are open to resolving the conflict.  If we yell and scream, we are saying that we are standing firm and don’t want to resolve the conflict.  However, if we speak calmly, openly, and honestly, the open person will be more receptive to what we are saying and may be more willing to resolve the issue.

When the proper communication sills are used, the value of conflict resolution is often priceless.  It provides the opportunity to increase understanding and awareness and may give insight into others’ thought processes.  This can often help achieve a common ground towards achieving a goal and working cooperatively.  People are more apt to develop mutual respect for each other through conflict resolution.

Conflict- negative or positive?

Conflict whether personal or within a business or other organization is typically seen as negative.  With conflict typically there is two people who think they are each right, because everyone is right in their own eyes. I think conflict is a good thing.  Conflict to me says "we have an issue that needs to be solved.  It's okay that we disagree but after the disagreement lets come to a level of understanding and learning from one another.  Conflict should be a productive force that brings people or organizations together, growing and learning from each other.  

Conflict is seen as negative because people generally do not communicate with each other to avoid a possible conflict.  Others see it as negative because it always bring out the worst in people.  People tend to get defensive when conflict arises and overlook the issue at hand while trying to make themselves look good.  In order to view conflict in a positive manner, people need to come to the realization that they are not always nor do they always need to be right.  Sometimes there is no wrong or right in a crisis.  When learning starts to take place then and only then will conflict begin to take on a more positive view.